


Everything Will Be Okay

by f-ing-ruthless-baz (f_ing_ruthless_baz)



Series: Carry On Ficlets [3]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, M/M, POV Simon Snow, Sweet, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 16:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20231041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f_ing_ruthless_baz/pseuds/f-ing-ruthless-baz
Summary: It sounds like someone nearby is sniffling, really quietly, and when I pry my eyes open, I can just make out that Baz is turned away from me, facing the wall, his back rounded like he’s curled in on himself.Simon and Baz have trouble sleeping after defeating the Humdrum.





	Everything Will Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [giishu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/giishu/gifts).

> Based on this prompt from a list: Kissing tears from the other’s face.
> 
> I tried to set this in that time when Simon, Baz, and Penny go up to their room in Mummer's House after the stuff with the Mage and the Humdrum, and they drink tea and sleep for a while. But I don't really know if they slept in the day or the night, so I just decided to make it night for this ficlet.

I feel empty. Hollow. Like there’s a gaping void in the pit of my stomach, and no amount of food is going to make it go away. (Though I did try fixing it with as much tea and Hobnobs as I could before we all fell asleep.)

It’s gnawing at me, though, and it worries me awake several times throughout the night, but only briefly. I’m so tired.

This time, though, I’m not sure it was the void that woke me up. It sounds like someone nearby is sniffling, really quietly, and when I pry my eyes open, I can just make out that Baz is turned away from me, facing the wall, his back rounded like he’s curled in on himself.

We didn’t fall asleep like this. He was holding me in his arms as I pressed my head against his chest and tried to drown out the world. He doesn’t sound like he’s sleeping now.

I want to say something to him—to ask if he’s okay—but I don’t want to wake Penny, who’s still asleep in my bed. Besides, I don’t know that I could say anything now, anyway. I don’t know that I remember how.

I slowly reach out to him—the bed’s small enough that he’s not far, but there’s still space between us—and rest my hand on the back of his shoulder, causing him to curl in more. I want to apologize for startling him, but my mouth feels heavy and slow. So I stroke his back in what I hope is a soothing manner, though I don’t feel very co-ordinated right now.

He stays curled up for a few moments, but I can feel some of the tension in his back release. He takes a steadying breath and rolls around to face me. I just catch a glimpse of the moonlight reflecting off the wet streaks on his face. It makes a lump form in my throat.

I know this has all been a lot for him, too, but I’ve been so overwhelmed I haven’t been able to give it much thought. _I told him I was a terrible boyfriend. And now I don’t even have magic._

“I’m sorry, Simon—” he whispers, but then closes his eyes tight.

A tear falls from the inner corner of his eye and rolls down his nose, catching the soft light coming in through the window, and I instinctively reach up and brush it away with my fingertip. He grabs for my hand and holds it firmly in his, like he never wants to let me go. I don’t want him to let me go.

He dips his head, curling toward me this time instead of away, and I see another tear fall down his nose. I can’t brush it with my finger this time—he’s still holding tight—so I push forward a little and press my lips to it. It makes my lips wet and makes him squeeze my hand reassuringly.

I want to tell him everything will be okay. But I don’t know that. I don’t know if it’s going to be okay, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say the words I want to say to him. All I can do right now is this.

I place a light kiss further up his nose, and then on his cheek, and then over his eyelid. His breathing evens out a little, and his grip on my hand loosens as he brushes the back of it with his thumb.

He tucks his head under my chin and presses it against my chest this time, so I wrap my arms around him and hold him close as we fall back asleep.

I don’t know that I can be a good boyfriend. But I can at least do this.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know about my WIPs and other random, vaguely Carry On or fanfic-related things I like to talk about, you can find me on tumblr as [@f-ing-ruthless-baz](https://f-ing-ruthless-baz.tumblr.com)!


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